Friday, June 11, 2010

DEPRESSION is coming down on me again. Hard. I've had days when I don’t bother to get out of bed. My extended unemployment is getting to me. I’ve been out of work for three years now and it’s getting harder to remain positive about my situation. A therapist once asked me, “Who’s going to hire you at 59?” Of course, I didn’t go back to see her. Wisdom, maturity, professional skills, and reliability are qualities that are unappreciated in this country. Everything is about the bottom line. Hire the newly college grads and pay them less money!

We are constantly bombarded with bleakness and hopelessness on the news front. The congressional FAT CATS take their time passing the unemployment extensions and coldly disregard the millions of people who have run out of their unemployment benefits. What are we supposed to do? Where are the jobs they promised when they ran for office? I’ve applied for everything from cashier to grant writing positions and every thing in between.

I don’t know where to look for a job anymore!
The more I’m out of work, the less I’m confident about my job skills and what I have to offer an employer. I’m actually nervous about getting back into the work environment. I have to look at my resume to remind myself of my diverse job skills. Director of The Women’s Resource Center for two years, Program Coordinator for Performing Artists, and Chair of Cultural Events. Nonetheless, I hold on to the saying, this too shall pass. EVENTUALLY.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Like A Vampire

I have a friend who suffers from depression. When I first met him, he always talked about how depressed he is. He is often lethargic, his voice monotone, and speaking seems to be an effort for him. He sleeps all day and is up all night. He lives like a vampire; venturing out to get something to eat and go to the movies every night - only to be awash in darkness again. He only goes out into daylight for emergencies or if he can’t sleep. He sometimes makes thrice weekly forays to Magnolia Bakery or Amy’s Bread for their cookies and cupcakes.

I have told him that he won’t be able to sleep away his depression. It will only get worse. I reminded him that he is always talking about how depressed he is and maybe he should talk to his therapist about his meds. I also told him that he needed to get up and get out into the day. Get at least a half hour of sunlight, exercise, eat better, and take Vitamin B Stress and Vitamin D for starters. Sometimes, I just want to shake him and tell him to snap out of it.

But, then I remember not too long ago, I was in the same predicament. I too would sleep all day and stay up all night. Daily eat dessert for the temporary high sugar would give me. Play hours of Scrabble and Spider Solitaire on my computer far into the night. When I finally got up, the sun would be going down, and I too walked the streets of Manhattan like a vampire.

Depression can envelope you in a dark and murky haze. Color your sensibilities in a negative prism that shatters your ability to see anything straight or think rationally. I just hope he doesn’t one day wake up and realize the hours, months, and years he has lost to depression like I have. I can only pray for him and guide him the best way I know, in hope that he will one day take the necessary steps to get better.

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